And exhale slowly

Being really busy distracts me from outside thoughts, but I think it's actually a good thing since I tend to organize my free time better if I'm working. At the same time, with this particular job I took on I have so much to think about that it gives me restless sleep, and I tend to forget to eat during the day because so much has to be done. I'm not liking the path that's going down, but on the other hand I've put myself to bed when tired.

The job I took on is at my many-times previous employer, a community and housing nonprofit, of various positions to help internally relocate and renovate the staff on site. It's really been 30+ years since the main office has been updated, and now much of the renovation is urgent. With some major deadlines included. In short, much juggling of information and needs that grow daily, and all the responsibility of organizing it and putting the plan I set in motion forward. This is my second week on the job, and it encompasses nearly all my thoughts. I'm a little tired, and don't remember what I spent my time doing by the end of the day, but have a list to organize for the following days by that point. I am literally kept so busy that I don't have time to think as I go, just think about what I am currently doing.

The graphic design work for this same place is at completion; I just need to confirm and see the printing through, and get my last check.


To take away from all the stress, and to get our laundry done, Jon and I went back to my parents' house this weekend and last week to take Pavlov out. It's not unusual, but we took him down to the cliff beach again to enjoy the weather, where we came across a dead sea lion someone tried to bury, and hung out drawing pictures in the sand.

On Cowardice

It's been one and a half years since I've corresponded with Pavlov's breeder about his chronic condition and tried to reach some kind of agreement to settle the terms.

As a summary, I bought Pavlov from a breeder who noticed he had some unusual breathing patterns shortly before I got him -- their vet checked him over and noticed nothing, two vets following that when he was in my care couldn't detect any real problems. He had definite breathing problems that we both noticed when he was out and about, and figured it could be that it would go away as he got older.

Considering that he didn't get better because it was due to his trachea not enlarging as he got older -- and it only got worse, and that it was diagnosed four months after I got him at cost, I contacted the breeder to bring up the matter to be resolved. This is not a condition Pavlov will heal from or get over. It will likely shorten his life, and it affects him pretty much all the fucking time. Anything a normal dog takes for granted -- even just fetching a ball, or being happy to see his owner -- is a challenge for my dog. It makes his tongue turn blue. He pants. Those of you who've met him know this. It basically fucking sucks for him -- and for me (but he doesn't suck, just his situation).

Anyway, they had offered as the only terms of settlement another healthy pup from any future litter for absolutely free (barring shipping of course), and even suggested I could sell it! After all, they promised a healthy dog for the payment, not refunds!

Well, how can that be the only means of settling the situation? I can't take in another dog. I definitely can't take in a puppy. I definitely can't take in a puppy just to sell it again, factoring shipping and care costs until its sold. I don't even have time. This isn't even fair to the puppy. It just seems like a really inappropriate, illogical offer that doesn't seem to take in the future puppy or my current situation -- which stems also from owning Pavlov -- into account.

So I brought this up three months ago, now that I'm at a more stable situation to actually follow through and not ignore what's going on around me. Especially because I agreed with them at first. But even through my own stupidity of not thinking it through at first, I still feel they have a responsibility as the breeder to honor their statement and try to rectify the situation. Besides, to them, what difference does it make if I want a puppy or the money I paid for one? Isn't it technically the same for them?

I mailed them a letter last week. They signed for it. I told myself to give them one week before I try to call them.

Well, jittered on coffee which I've not drank until late, and staring at my phone, I'm not even sure what to say. Obviously, I'd rather be babbling about it on an online journal that serves no real purpose except to vent (and maybe entertain or educate people who might actually read this).

It bothers me. I want to call now and get this fucking ordeal resolved once and for all, I don't want to go to fucking court over a stupid situation like this, and yet I'm too fucking cowardly to call. I'll do it...in a minute. Right?